1. |
before
00:49
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(if you really know me you'll know that i absolutely cannot stand sleeping any other way than on my right side, facing towards my wall)
but hey, i just wanted to let you know that i would sleep on my left side for you
and that you are quite literally the human form of the instrumental to my favourite song
this girl, she dug into my mind and shook the earth under my feet
i want to paint my nails the shade of our first kiss
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2. |
||||
i sexually identify as the 28 degree january breeze sneaking through your cracked window at 5am
one time a school of fish said to me, "everything will be fine. we promise. just hang around longer."
it was mid-june, i believed them
one time i tweeted, "you have so much undiscovered depth. you are an ocean,"
referring to my gay friend who is known for being sassy and, well, gay
and not for what he really is
or what he's worth
anyway, someone replied to it
"you're a cork in the ocean"
and to this day i still think about what the fuck that even means
but its poetic sounding and i like it
i guess
we are all the butt of a great cosmic joke
and i am not me anymore
i'm a hurricane aftermath
it swept away all the worth i had left
and here i am,
incompletely resolute
my favourite shade of orange is the one leaves turn before they commit suicide and if that doesn't say something about my personality then i don't know what does
all i'm trying to say is that
the grass is green for a reason and it turns brown and ugly sometimes but it always goes back to how it was before and i need you to promise me that you'll hold on
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3. |
she
00:51
|
|||
i should be asleep but i miss you so much that it hurts my bones
do strawberries fall in love
do you think trees fall in love and they get very sad and lonely when the tree they're with gets cut down
or like do you think a tree on one side of the world is in love with another tree on the other side of the world & even though they can't see each other, their roots are somehow connected & they just
know
i think i'm a tree
|
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4. |
during
00:36
|
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my favourite song is the one your gentle breathing makes while you're peacefully sleeping on my chest
what's this unfamiliar feeling
my brain is tingly
my stomach is a tidal wave
the corners of my mouth are bending upwards like an orange peel that's slowly drying and i cannot control it
for the love of god breathe in my skin please i'm begging you
yes,
i am completely
in
love
with
you
|
||||
5. |
prologue
01:01
|
|||
i do not like associating with people who complain about the length of songs
people who listen to music but do not hear it
people who look at beauty but do not see it
i do not like associating with people who complain about the slow parts in books
people who admire the surface but do not try to break it
people who understand the flaw but do not accept it
i do not like associating with people who complain about boredom
people who know exactly what to say but do not say it
people who mourn regression but do not rejoice it
i do not like associating with people who complain about the length of songs,
break down the walls of your mind
take advantage of your depth
appreciate your width always
|
||||
6. |
||||
"i am very particular about who i expose myself to,"
we say to 3 million strangers every day
i shut off everything and everyone
just to listen for a while
then i start talking and do not stop ever
imagine yourself vividly
darkness goes like this
tell me one war since wwii that the united states has "won"
tell me one war where we have not been the aggressor
he told me that
burning down the house was the only logical thing to do next
unknowing how much of a literal person i am
start the car and leave this nowhere behind
things i used to admire from afar seem so much closer now
oh dear
i think i've lost myself
could you call it
(i left it on silent)
i don't have any data to back up my opinions
i think gravity and love are that of the same force
i don't like associating with people who complain about the length of songs
i wish i was strong enough to lift both of our souls simultaneously
you are constantly defining beauty with the way
you bite your lip and flutter your eyelashes and grasp your left arm and stare at the ground
while speaking to me
you are drunk and you are sad and i am broken and lets kiss
wow here we are
kissing
|
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7. |
||||
i am laying outside on crunchy leaves and all i can think about is you you you
it's pretty nice out for winter
like 40-something degrees
people in my house have the stomach flu and i am deathly afraid of vomiting
so instead i'm out here getting lung cancer
isn't it funny how things play out
i joke about getting lung cancer a lot but i probably shouldn't because i'm probably going to end up with it
anyway now i hear something in the distance
it sounds like children playing
laughing and jumping and running
or maybe it's geese
but something inside me hopes that it's kids
|
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8. |
||||
so this is what it's like
every day i slip on my best mourning boots
to go to the cemetery and collect my thoughts
that are just fields of stones
this is not the life i wanted you to see
i can hear you thinking from here
you tried to tell yourself but you refused to listen
sit back
watch as i make sure that everything spirals out of control
how long can you hold your breath?
my fingers barely brush yours
the transcendency of certain skin
no one else can touch me
humanity is the one disease that you will never be cured of
destruction
or something like it
at the edges burning
energy converting into matter
drifting off to wherever you are
wait
and i can assure you it will come.
|
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9. |
after
01:29
|
|||
i'm walking through these places where i held your hand and everything hurts
i walked into my room and it feels so different like
what the fuck
it feels like a bathtub
like you know how when you're not in it the water is almost just right but not enough but then once you get in its really close to overflowing and its warm and nice and covers your whole body
except
its not water
its oxygen
and i cant breathe
this is not okay. it's not okay that the only thing that makes me happy is so far away and nothing is okay when you're there and i'm here
tonight, i am wearing your shirt to bed, though lord knows i won't be getting any sleep for a few days
you're the only person i want to talk to and you're asleep and i'm here and you're there and i'm breaking
i memorized all the imprints of your lips and how they fit perfectly with mine
i don't know if it's a curse or a blessing that i can now close my eyes and remember exactly how your body feels and what you smell like
i miss waking up to a messy bed and your messy hair. i miss actually being able to sleep because i was curled up against your side.
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miscreant St. Louis, Missouri
hello. life is magic. i am a ball of molecules dancing. call me neko, the one and only member of the spoken word "band," miscreant.
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