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the lover; the tempest

by miscreant

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1.
before 00:49
(if you really know me you'll know that i absolutely cannot stand sleeping any other way than on my right side, facing towards my wall) but hey, i just wanted to let you know that i would sleep on my left side for you and that you are quite literally the human form of the instrumental to my favourite song this girl, she dug into my mind and shook the earth under my feet i want to paint my nails the shade of our first kiss
2.
i sexually identify as the 28 degree january breeze sneaking through your cracked window at 5am one time a school of fish said to me, "everything will be fine. we promise. just hang around longer." it was mid-june, i believed them one time i tweeted, "you have so much undiscovered depth. you are an ocean," referring to my gay friend who is known for being sassy and, well, gay and not for what he really is or what he's worth anyway, someone replied to it "you're a cork in the ocean" and to this day i still think about what the fuck that even means but its poetic sounding and i like it i guess we are all the butt of a great cosmic joke and i am not me anymore i'm a hurricane aftermath it swept away all the worth i had left and here i am, incompletely resolute my favourite shade of orange is the one leaves turn before they commit suicide and if that doesn't say something about my personality then i don't know what does all i'm trying to say is that the grass is green for a reason and it turns brown and ugly sometimes but it always goes back to how it was before and i need you to promise me that you'll hold on
3.
she 00:51
i should be asleep but i miss you so much that it hurts my bones do strawberries fall in love do you think trees fall in love and they get very sad and lonely when the tree they're with gets cut down or like do you think a tree on one side of the world is in love with another tree on the other side of the world & even though they can't see each other, their roots are somehow connected & they just know i think i'm a tree
4.
during 00:36
my favourite song is the one your gentle breathing makes while you're peacefully sleeping on my chest what's this unfamiliar feeling my brain is tingly my stomach is a tidal wave the corners of my mouth are bending upwards like an orange peel that's slowly drying and i cannot control it for the love of god breathe in my skin please i'm begging you yes, i am completely in love with you
5.
prologue 01:01
i do not like associating with people who complain about the length of songs people who listen to music but do not hear it people who look at beauty but do not see it i do not like associating with people who complain about the slow parts in books people who admire the surface but do not try to break it people who understand the flaw but do not accept it i do not like associating with people who complain about boredom people who know exactly what to say but do not say it people who mourn regression but do not rejoice it i do not like associating with people who complain about the length of songs, break down the walls of your mind take advantage of your depth appreciate your width always
6.
"i am very particular about who i expose myself to," we say to 3 million strangers every day i shut off everything and everyone just to listen for a while then i start talking and do not stop ever imagine yourself vividly darkness goes like this tell me one war since wwii that the united states has "won" tell me one war where we have not been the aggressor he told me that burning down the house was the only logical thing to do next unknowing how much of a literal person i am start the car and leave this nowhere behind things i used to admire from afar seem so much closer now oh dear i think i've lost myself could you call it (i left it on silent) i don't have any data to back up my opinions i think gravity and love are that of the same force i don't like associating with people who complain about the length of songs i wish i was strong enough to lift both of our souls simultaneously you are constantly defining beauty with the way you bite your lip and flutter your eyelashes and grasp your left arm and stare at the ground while speaking to me you are drunk and you are sad and i am broken and lets kiss wow here we are kissing
7.
i am laying outside on crunchy leaves and all i can think about is you you you it's pretty nice out for winter like 40-something degrees people in my house have the stomach flu and i am deathly afraid of vomiting so instead i'm out here getting lung cancer isn't it funny how things play out i joke about getting lung cancer a lot but i probably shouldn't because i'm probably going to end up with it anyway now i hear something in the distance it sounds like children playing laughing and jumping and running or maybe it's geese but something inside me hopes that it's kids
8.
so this is what it's like every day i slip on my best mourning boots to go to the cemetery and collect my thoughts that are just fields of stones this is not the life i wanted you to see i can hear you thinking from here you tried to tell yourself but you refused to listen sit back watch as i make sure that everything spirals out of control how long can you hold your breath? my fingers barely brush yours the transcendency of certain skin no one else can touch me humanity is the one disease that you will never be cured of destruction or something like it at the edges burning energy converting into matter drifting off to wherever you are wait and i can assure you it will come.
9.
after 01:29
i'm walking through these places where i held your hand and everything hurts i walked into my room and it feels so different like what the fuck it feels like a bathtub like you know how when you're not in it the water is almost just right but not enough but then once you get in its really close to overflowing and its warm and nice and covers your whole body except its not water its oxygen and i cant breathe this is not okay. it's not okay that the only thing that makes me happy is so far away and nothing is okay when you're there and i'm here tonight, i am wearing your shirt to bed, though lord knows i won't be getting any sleep for a few days you're the only person i want to talk to and you're asleep and i'm here and you're there and i'm breaking i memorized all the imprints of your lips and how they fit perfectly with mine i don't know if it's a curse or a blessing that i can now close my eyes and remember exactly how your body feels and what you smell like i miss waking up to a messy bed and your messy hair. i miss actually being able to sleep because i was curled up against your side.

about

a lot of these poems are about you. you know who you are.

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released February 21, 2014

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about

miscreant St. Louis, Missouri

hello. life is magic. i am a ball of molecules dancing. call me neko, the one and only member of the spoken word "band," miscreant.

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